Healing by Helping: Getting My Power Back

    After the storm, I felt powerless. I am used to doing. Doing for my family, doing for myself. I have literally been working since I was 12 years old. No kidding. I worked to put myself through college. I paid for my own wedding. It made me feel in control that I was the one doing for me, not asking others for anything, ever. Well, except for donations for causes. That was not for me. That was to help others.
   But now, I was powerless. My cars were gone and many of my family's possessions were gone, and I can not easily replace any of them. Powerless.
    The one constant I have had in my life has always been my words. A doctor once told me I am the most mentally healthy person he has ever met. (I doubt that) Why? Because, he said, I can precisely express every single emotion. Every one. And I do. Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves. I wear my heart, my liver, my kidneys...
     Although I have the gift of gab, I was not speaking. I was yelling. At everyone. I was crying, all the time. Yes, I stopped for a day or so, but then I got the insurance denials and the tears came back. Powerless.
     My close friends and family would call, and it was the same conversations over again. My heart ached for them. They told their stories. They needed to. I can't say I blame them. We had all been through so much. Everyone wanted to talk about it, but nobody had the strength to listen. I always joke that I believe I have adult ADD, because as soon as people start repeating themselves, I tune out. I have realized that we all do it. Who wants to hear the same things again and again? Well, except for good music.
But I needed my words back. I needed to be heard. So, I started writing. Just for me. If the words were caught in my throat, maybe they would come out of my fingers. As soon as I started typing, I felt renewed. Now, I had 2 foci. The food delivery to The Rockaways and my story. My text. Again, I realized that the power was within me. Wonderwoman and Batgirl may just live again.
     I wanted to be heard. If I published the words, would anybody read them? Well, if you are out there reading them, Thank you.