I am 5 and a half years older than her. When she was born, I was in Kindergarten. I truly believed that my mother had her for me. Right away, she was MY baby. Although she was too little to actually play, I found ways. What must be true of many older sisters was true of me. I made her my doll. I dressed her up, carried her around, fed her and took responsibility for all things concerning her.
As we grew, we were not as close as I had hoped. It wasn't any one's fault, it was just the logical progression of our relationship. As she was becoming school aged, I was heading into middle school. I had friends, school and interests that did not include a 5 year old tagging along. We were still sisters. I always loved her, but we were not friends.
We tried to find common interests, and we amazingly landed on one while she was in middle school and I was in high school. Strangely enough, we discovered we both had an affinity for spider-themed movies. Creepy? Yes! But it brought us together in a way that we had not been in a decade.
Once we discovered a common interest, we began to get along better. It wasn't always easy. We shared a room for the better part of our lives, and we had very different ideas about everything...room decor, music, TV, even who should or should not be allowed into our room. Boyfriends just made it more difficult.
Well, eventually, I moved out. Got married. Started a family. She moved out. Went to Law School. Graduated. Got married. Started a family. Again we tried, but we were still not each others best friend. We had our own social circles. We knew many of each other's friends. We got along with them. It was casual.
A few years back, we had the kind of fight only sisters can have. It was nasty. Feelings were hurt, the past was brought up and dissected. Names were called. It got...ugly. We decided that the best way to deal with each other was not to. We stopped speaking. For almost 2 years.
It was not easy. My oldest son asked for her ALL THE TIME. Our mother had a recurrence of cancer and had another surgery. She got pregnant and had her daughter. Our nephew made Bar Mitzvah. Still we did not speak. That is not to say we didn't KNOW about each other. We got parental updates, whether asked for or not. Was it strange? Yes. Was it painful? Yes. Were we both too damned stubborn to give in and apologize? Of course!
It took something tragic to bring us back together. A family friend lost her daughter in a terrible accident, and we both went to the wake. At first we avoided each other. Then our dad intervened and asked us to at least stand together. That standing together lead to a hug, which lead to a long talk. Fast forward 1 week, and her husband fell ill. He wound up dealing with a long term situation, and she had a newborn! I tried to be there for her through it. We hadn't spoken in so long that we both needed to process our new relationship and it was too soon to act as if nothing had happened.
Well, luckily, her husband came through it all, and her life got back to normal. Over the last 2 years, we have worked hard to be in each other's lives. We make an effort that neither of us ever had before. Our kids know each other, and that's priceless.
When SSS hit, she was of major concern to me. I knew her house had flooded before and that she could sustain damage. I was NOT prepared for her to lose her entire house. Well, neither was she, obviously. I called and texted her repeatedly during the storm, and was relieved that she had a friend to evacuate to.
If anything positive has come from what we went through (and really, something positive needs come out of it), it's that we are closer than we have ever been in our lives. Yes, it's true. It took an act of mother nature herself for my sister and I to become not just sisters, but friends. We confide in each other now. We call in the middle of the day just to say "hi". We get excited for little things together. I have the sister I have always wanted.
Is our relationship perfect? Nope. Never will be. Wouldn't expect it to be. But I can honestly say that the baggage is gone. I do not resent her, hold a grudge or need an apology or an explanation for petty or perceived wrongs. They don't matter. What does matter is that she and her family are alive, safe and rebuilding. And I can be here for her, whenever she needs.
Since they are living out of a temporary FEMA relocation motel, she and her family have to eat out 3 times a day. I would love to have them here for meals, but that's not even plausible. They are far enough away to make traveling here everyday time consuming and expensive. So, I am feeding them when I can, through gift cards. Not a lot, but it's something. And it's healing. For me, for them.
Recently, she was the recipient of a great act of kindness. She deserves the good, and will overcome the bad. She is stronger than I could ever be.
I am very proud of her. She has accomplished so much. She is a successful mommy, wife, attorney, daughter, sister...and friend.
My baby sis. Isn't she pretty?
Pizza D'Amore continues to accept donations for food for the families of Rockaway. This past weekend we set two deliveries out, feeding 40 people.
Call 718-531-2333 and tell them that you want to donate to the Rockaway food deliveries.
