A Big Sigh of Relief

    So the blizzard of 2013 came, dumped about a foot of snow, and went. Most of the action took place at night, while we were (mercifully) asleep. We went to bed listening to the howling wind and woke up to...sunshine.
   Our block was buried. The streets, car roofs, grass, everything was glistening a blinding white. But it was beautiful. And calm. There was a noticeable peace on the block. Neighbors were out, shoveling and chatting. A snow plow ran up and down the street several times. Kids were playing, people were laughing. This was a no-stress mess.
   I believe after the nightmare we have all lived through, the general, unspoken consensus was relief. Nobody here lost power. Nobody flooded. The roads were quickly passable. Thank goodness.
   Of course, this is not to discount our friends and family to the North. Many people got almost 4 feet of snow. There were widespread power outages in some areas, but NOTHING like what we had experienced just 102 days before. With so many fewer emergencies to deal with, the utilities could put these folks back on line in a matter of hours, rather than weeks, or in some cases, months. More to be grateful for!
     The government, having learned from their past mistakes, took many preemptive actions to ensure the public safety and general continuation of services. I can not tell you how thankful I am for that.
    Today, I will pick myself up from my computer chair, put on my big girl boots and go build a snowman with my 2 wonderful boys. I think we will name him Nemo!

                                                      After some early shoveling.

101 Days Later

   It has been exactly 101 days since SSS hit. Tonight, we are bracing for a blizzard, predicted to wallop us with 8 to 14 inches of snow, depending where you live. The sleeplessness is back. The flashbacks have begun all over again. We are in mother nature's path of wrath, but I don't know why. Pray for a quick ending to the storm. Pray for the safety of the already devastated families. Pray for sanity in a time of despair.
    The gas lines have already started, for fear of dealing with the power outages and shortages still in our memories. Supermarket shelves are bare. People are taking no chances this time.
   As my husband and children sleep peacefully, I sit and write and worry. In the morning, I will go to work, bring my children to school and hope everyone makes it to their destinations safely. Tomorrow afternoon, I wil return home, charge my devices and make my home as comforting and safe for my family as I can.
   Let's hope that this blizzard,that the newscasters are calling Nemo, has less force, anger and destruction than Sandy did. Stay safe, people. Stay warm.

My Sister

    My younger sister and I have a completely typical sister relationship. I say typical because, well, its the only sister relationship I have. So it must be typical, right?
    I am 5 and a half years older than her. When she was born, I was in Kindergarten. I truly believed that my mother had her for me. Right away, she was MY baby. Although she was too little to actually play, I found ways. What must be true of many older sisters was true of me. I made her my doll. I dressed her up, carried her around, fed her and took responsibility for all things concerning her.
     As we grew, we were not as close as I had hoped. It wasn't any one's fault, it was just the logical progression of our relationship. As she was becoming school aged, I was heading into middle school. I had friends, school and interests that did not include a 5 year old tagging along. We were still sisters. I always loved her, but we were not friends.
     We tried to find common interests, and we amazingly landed on one while she was in middle school and I was in high school. Strangely enough, we discovered we both had an affinity for spider-themed movies. Creepy? Yes! But it brought us together in a way that we had not been in a decade.
      Once we discovered a common interest, we began to get along better. It wasn't always easy. We shared a room for the better part of our lives, and we had very different ideas about everything...room decor, music, TV, even who should or should not be allowed into our room. Boyfriends just made it more difficult.
      Well, eventually, I moved out. Got married. Started a family. She moved out. Went to Law School. Graduated. Got married. Started a family. Again we tried, but we were still not each others best friend. We had our own social circles. We knew many of each other's friends. We got along with them. It was casual.
     A few years back, we had the kind of fight only sisters can have. It was nasty. Feelings were hurt, the past was brought up and dissected. Names were called. It got...ugly. We decided that the best way to deal with each other was  not to. We stopped speaking. For almost 2 years.
     It was not easy. My oldest son asked for her ALL THE TIME.  Our mother had a recurrence of cancer and had another surgery. She got pregnant and had her daughter. Our nephew made Bar Mitzvah. Still we did not speak. That is not to say we didn't KNOW about each other. We got parental updates, whether asked for or not. Was it strange? Yes. Was it painful? Yes. Were we both too damned stubborn to give in and apologize? Of course!
      It took something tragic to bring us back together. A family friend lost her daughter in a terrible accident, and we both went to the wake. At first we avoided each other. Then our dad intervened and asked us to at least stand together. That standing together lead to a hug, which lead to a long talk. Fast forward 1 week, and her husband fell ill. He wound up dealing with a long term situation, and she had a newborn! I tried to be there for her through it. We hadn't spoken in so long that we both needed to process our new relationship and it was too soon to act as if nothing had happened.
    Well, luckily, her husband came through it all, and her life got back to normal. Over the last 2 years, we have worked hard to be in each other's lives. We make an effort that neither of us ever had before. Our kids know each other, and that's priceless.
    When SSS hit, she was of major concern to me. I knew her house had flooded before and that she could sustain damage. I was NOT prepared for her to lose her entire house. Well, neither was she, obviously. I called and texted her repeatedly during the storm, and was relieved that she had a friend to evacuate to.
      If anything positive has come from what we went through (and really, something positive needs come out of it), it's that we are closer than we have ever been in our lives. Yes, it's true. It took an act of mother nature herself for my sister and I to become not just sisters, but friends. We confide in each other now. We call in the middle of the day just to say "hi". We get excited for little things together. I have the sister I have always wanted.
  Is our relationship perfect? Nope. Never will be. Wouldn't expect it to be. But I can honestly say that the baggage is gone. I do not resent her, hold a grudge or need an apology or an explanation for petty or perceived wrongs. They don't matter. What does matter is that she and her family are alive, safe and rebuilding. And I can be here for her, whenever she needs.
      Since they are living out of a temporary FEMA relocation motel, she and her family have to eat out 3 times a day. I would love to have them here for meals, but that's not even plausible. They are far enough away to make traveling here everyday time consuming and expensive. So, I am feeding them when I can, through gift cards. Not a lot, but it's something. And it's healing. For me, for them.
     Recently, she was the recipient of a great act of kindness. She deserves the good, and will overcome the bad. She is stronger than I could ever be.
     I am very proud of her. She has accomplished so much. She is a successful mommy, wife, attorney, daughter, sister...and friend.

My baby sis. Isn't she pretty?

Pizza D'Amore continues to accept donations for food for the families of Rockaway. This past weekend we set two deliveries out, feeding 40 people.

Call 718-531-2333 and tell them that you want to donate to the Rockaway food deliveries.

Daydreams and Nightmares

     My life has become a series of realities and fantasies, but I think of it as a series of Daydreams and Nightmares. I'll start with the daydreams. There are the same ones I would guess that everyone has had at some point or another:

1. A long lost relative dies peacefully in his sleep at the age of 112. He has lived a long and happy, yet frugal life. He has amassed a grand fortune and has bequeathed it to little ole me. I am saddened by his death, but will honor his wishes and take the money. It's only right. He wanted me to have it.  I use it to help many SSS victims.
2. Oprah invites me to sit in the audience for one of her shows. At the end, she does a big reveal and I am given a Brand. New. Car! (All taxes included, of course)
3. I buy a single lottery ticket on a whim with the change I have from the milk I just purchased. Later that night I find out that I am the sole winner of the $xxx million jackpot! I buy everyone everything, but especially my sister, who gets a brand new house filled with Spider-Man toys for my nephew!
4. A generous yet anonymous benefactor parks a car tied with a ribbon outside my house and leaves the key in the mailbox. No note, but the title is in my name.
5. I actually DO have a fairy godmother. She was just taking a long nap!
And finally...
6. I Really AM the descendant of that Nigerian Prince and all those emails that I have ignored over the last 10 years were true and I FINALLY get my rightful fortune. Ha! I just knew it!!
    OK, so I am aware that what I wrote above is pure fiction, with the exception of a 1 in 8 billion chance of hitting the lottery (if I actually played) none of the aforementioned scenarios have a remote chance of happening.
    What is happening however, is my living nightmare. The nightmare I like to call "Dealing with FEMA" or "Why Innocent People Are Still Living On The Street With No Walls, No Heat Or Electricity When They Own Their Own Homes". Let me explain.
      FEMA stands for Federal Emergency Management Agency. So right away, you know you are dealing with a bureaucracy rife with red tape,  hoops to jump through and double speak. Since the storm struck, there have been tons of rumors about what FEMA will or will not do. I did not expect a miracle from them. I did not expect charity nor did I expect to make money off of this situation. I did, foolishly, expect for the process to be straightforward and approachable for a person of average intelligence. (me)
     If you have never had to deal with FEMA, congratulations! I mean that. I honestly hope you never have to. But if you have, you may want to skip this next part. It will give you flashbacks.
     I will preface this by saying that this is MY take on things as I have come to understand them in the last month. If I get a fact wrong (which I most likely will), please forgive me. A I stated, it's not easy.
      You are struck by a disaster of some sort. You lose some sort of property, i.e.  home, car, personal belongings, and you need financial assistance from the government. Once your  area is officially declared a disaster area by the government, FEMA is able to step in start accepting claims.
       So, you call the FEMA hot line. A voice prompt answers the call. You have to listen to a 4 minute (I am not exaggerating) greeting, telling you which FEMA rumors are false. For example, FEMA does not give you $300 for food. That's a Facebook rumor.  Once you have listened to all 4 minutes, you are treated to the exact same message repeated en espanol. 8 minutes, gone.
         Once the greeting has ended, you listen to a long menu of  choices of where to direct your call. Once you choose your option, you have to input your zip code. My guess is this is done to confound those people who live outside the disaster area from filing a false claim. I could be wrong, but those scoundrels who flood their own houses and cars or ruin all their belongings just for the fun of dealing with FEMA MUST be stopped!
     Once you get to the correct place, lets say, filing a new claim, you get a lovely operator. My first operator was Vanessa. She was as patient and calm and as warm as a spring morning. I hated it! I was in turmoil. I needed someone to yell at. I could not yell at Vanessa. Darn it!
      Vanessa proceeded to take all of my information. She gave me a long list of things that I would need to gather for FEMA to prove I actually : a) owned the cars I was claiming, b) said cars were actually disabled permanently and  c) I was actually financially unable to replace them myself. Luckily, I have every piece of paper that I ever got (not really, but close) and I was able to gather those things up within a day.
      Then, Vanessa explained to me that FEMA (and this is an actual quote)  "won't just give me no money".  Double negative aside, I took that to mean that they aren't a charity nor do they hand out money willy-nilly. That's fine. I wasn't looking for charity or to get over on anyone, much less Uncle Sam.
     As Vanessa explained the process, FEMA takes your information and then waits for you to support your claim. They send you packets to fill out through snail mail. I kid you not when I say that you need advanced degrees to just navigate some of the paperwork. (The verbiage is verbose and pedantic).You have to send all types of documentation, and eventually a case worker will come out and see the damage for him or herself. Once that is done, you wait some more. Then the phone calls start. You get any combination of: an intake officer, an application reviewer, a damage assessor, a loan officer, a case worker, a grant officer, a claim reviewer (each who will call you either while at work and unable to take the call, or while you are eating and have to leave your one hot meal for the day) and finally, if you are lucky, a check of some sort.
     It was explained to me that FEMA has limited funds (obviously) and most people will not receive actual money from FEMA. Due to insurance coverage, the majority of homeowners will not see a red penny from the FEMA funds. Those who are not insured will only get money if they have exhausted all other avenues of revenue. One of those avenues is the SBA, Small Business Association, which is the lending arm of disaster relief.  (Please do not confuse them with SBA, Small Business Association, the lending arm for small business loans. They are different entities. Huh.) They underwrite very low cost loans. Which you have to pay back. If you qualify. Vanessa informed me that I DO NOT want to qualify. This way, I may qualify for a grant from FEMA. Or not. Whatever.
    Fast forward, when I received the paperwork on my initial FEMA claim, the information was wrong. Blatantly wrong. So wrong that I didn't think it was my claim. I called to change the info. The very nice person I spoke to told me that we should start from scratch, and she would refile the paperwork using my same claim number. So we did. Then I got the new paperwork. Guess what...
It was STILL wrong. But she read it all back to me on the phone, when it was correct. Sigh.
    27 days in and the nightmare continues... 

   

Being Thankful

   So after the turkey and potatoes and bread and corn and stuffing and dessert are gone, we are all left with full bellies, but hopefully fuller hearts. I spent Thanksgiving Day with part of my family. My sister and her husband and children were not there, and they were missed. They are still dealing with the mess left behind by the storm. We missed them, but we were glad they had somewhere to go, with friends who welcomed them as family.
   I thought long and hard about this post. I want to express all the right ideas and emotions, without being sappy or cliche. It's not easy. Obviously, I am thankful for my husband, kids, siblings, parents, and friends. I am thankful for the continuing health of my family. I am thankful we are all safe and have survived a terrible ordeal intact. I am thankful for the support of  family, friends and even strangers in the days and weeks since the hurricane. I am thankful for a warm bed to sleep in and food to feed my family.
    But there is so much more I am thankful for. One major thing in that category is my job. Not just having a job. I know that is a blessing in this economy, and many wish they had a job, any job. But, I am thankful that I am a teacher, in my school, with my class. After the storm, I was so happy to return to work. I heard people express relief to be back, to have a place to go. I was grateful to have THAT place to go. With warm, loving people who actually care about one another. With children who are happy to see me and I to see them.
      Background: Over the years, I have dealt with the pain of a chronic back problem. From time to time, I get flare-ups that literally paralyze me. I can not move part of my body, usually my neck and arms, for hours and sometimes days.
    Unfortunately, I had an occurrence on Sunday morning. As usual, it came from out of the blue, with no advance warning. My husband attributes it to stress. He may be right. I have never gotten a solid physiological reason from my doctors. I was in agony. It scares my children when it happens, so I try my best to find another excuse to be in bed all day long. (My excuses are transparent, they always know.) So, I did my usual routine of  heating pad, muscle relaxers and anti- inflammatory. This time, the pills did nothing to help the pain, but they did serve to make me dizzy and nauseous. Fun!
     For some unknown reason, I actually thought I would be able to go into work on Monday. (Have I told you I am ridiculously stubborn?) When I woke up in the morning, I knew that getting out of bed was impossible, so getting to school and caring for 27 kids was, well, out of the question. Of course, my students know nothing about my back issues. Why would they? But they knew that I wasn't in school. That bothered them. A lot.
     Luckily, by Tuesday morning, the meds did what they were supposed to and I was up and out the door on time. When my students saw me, the looks of joy and relief on their faces were priceless. Dare I say, worth the pain?
     So the things I am thankful in my life are numerous, and maybe a little sappy, definitely cliche. They are my reality. I could sit and feel sorry for myself for the pain I have to endure, the reason which elude myself and much of the medical profession. I could complain that I am underpaid and overworked, as most people are. I can even complain that I am still dependent on others for rides home each day.
     Instead, I chose to be thankful for my chosen career path and for the  people it brings me into contact with every single day.

From a recent fortune cookie

 

 

A good friend saw a video that I made in my quest to raise more money for food for the Rockaway families. She nominated me for a cash prize in an "random Acts of Kindness" video contest. it's a popular vote type of thing. A youtube "thumbs up" equals a vote. check out the video, and if you like, please give it a vote. Thanks!

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DY-03YpjcR-U%26feature%3Dplcp&h=4AQGynDAw

 

 

Don't forget, Pizza D'Amore is still accepting donations.

718-531-2333

7 days a week 11 a.m thru 10 p.m.

Rebuilding

   Around here, rebuilding means many things. Some people are rebuilding their homes. Some are rebuilding their businesses. Many are rebuilding their communities. Still others are rebuilding themselves. The destruction took a toll on everyone here. There are those who scoff at the ones who "only lost electricity" or "just lost a car". We all lost, and we all have to find our own way back to normal, in our own time.
     I am eternally grateful that I "only" lost cars, personal property and heat and hot water. I have so much that I did not not lose. I did not lose my family, my hope or my job. I still have a place to go and focus each day. I still have a place to come home to and lay my head. And, I still have the people I most treasure to laugh and cry with. Yes, it's been hard. No, I am not perfect. Far from it. I get jealous and petty at times, just like everyone else.
    Everyday, people surprise me with their humanity, humility and resilience. People pitching in to rebuild not only their own homes but those of families, friends and strangers. People donating food, supplies and time to make our beloved city whole once more. I hope that my small crusade to feed the families of the Rockaway peninsula (and Gerritsen Beach last week) has made a difference in someone's life.
    If you believe in Karma, and I do, you will know that when you do good, it comes back to you in spades. This past week, I posted a project request on DonorsChoose.org for adaptive seating for 3  of my students. The project cost over $425. I was not really too sure that it would get funded. There are so many DonorsChoose.org projects. There are so many worthy classroom ideas, and so many students hit hard by the Hurricane. I really didn't think that my project would get much notice. Well, amazingly and shockingly, my project got funded in less than a week! Several of the donors were parents from my class, which was amazing, generous and unnecessary, but fully appreciated. Other donors wrote that they wanted to help students with special needs. (Let's face it, we ALL have special needs at some point in our lives.) And the final donors wanted to help SSS victims. Wow. What awesome people in this world! Karma? You bet!
    As the weeks progress, my family is rebuilding as well. I was having nightmares, waking up screaming. I believe they have passed now. My sons seem happier, and they are relieved to be back in their routines. The kindness of my coworkers that continue to drive us home each day can never be repaid, but I will try.
   The good news is that my husband was able to purchase an old car from a friend. Is it new? Nope. Is is pretty? Pretty Ugly. Is it fuel efficient? Was the space shuttle? But, it is transportation to get the family moving and independent again. More rebuilding. More moving in a positive direction.
We are healing.

 

To help send food to displaced families and volunteers, call

Pizza D'Amore (718) 531-2333.

Donations are always gratefully accepted.

 

To help classrooms affected by SSS go to http://www.donorschoose.org/sandy?max=50

 

 

Next: ??

After Effects and Back to School

   Thus far, I have been writing this in chronological order, based on my personal experiences. While I was focused on my own little world, so many other things were going on.
   My sister's family was now, for all intents and purposes, homeless. Although much of their house still stands, they will never be able to live in it again. Too much damage. Through the kindness of her friends, they did not have to go to a homeless shelter or live on the street. Obviously, I was terribly concerned about them, but she was trying to make the best of it for her kids. I would have welcomed them into my home, no questions asked. Glad she had choices and made the one best for her family.
    My brother's family lived with our parents for a week. Finally, their electricity, along with heat, returned and they were able to go home. That was a relief. You do what you can for family, but people want their own space. Kids need to be in their own schools and in regular routines whenever possible. And, my mother, as a 4 time cancer survivor, needed her privacy as well.
     My friends were still living together. Part of my friend Lauren's house will be saved, and the rest will be gutted and redone. They still do not have heat or hot water, but they have an alternate, comfortable place to stay and the 2 older children are in their own schools. Other friends are pitching in to help care for her youngest during the workday.
     Our friend Lisa is amazing! Not only did she welcome Lauren and her family in with open arms, she also welcomed many other displaced souls. When the need is high, people show their true colors. Lisa is the truest of the blue, with a golden heart.
     During the darkest days following SSS, I learned through Facebook that my younger son's former nursery school had been flooded, and therefore destroyed. I cried for that loss. It was a warm, loving place for him while he attended. We know and love the owner and her assistants. We see them around the neighborhood often, and we always stop to chat. Although my children are far too old to attend anymore, just the thought of that school not existing for other children was heartbreaking. Through the goodness of her current and former students' parents, the school will reopen. She has arranged to hold her classes temporarily in an local dance studio. Parents are donating books, toys, furniture, you name it, to help get the school back up and running! It feels like victory!
     Many of my coworkers suffered devastating loss. A close friend of mine lost a lifetime full of memories of her deceased husband. It was like losing him all over again. Her basement flooded and she lost priceless, irreplaceable photographs of her parents and grandparents. Beyond heartbreaking.
     Another friend lost 3 cars and the bottom portion of her house. Til today, she still has not had electricity, heat or hot water restored. How does a family live like this? Her biggest concern? Her small dog. How will he stay warm when the temperature drops? Selfless.
     I learned that a coworker with an empty apartment in her house opened her door to dozens of people. She offered a warm place to stay and a hot shower to use. Indefinitely. Beautiful.
     Still thousands of others, who I do not know, but feel a kinship with, suffer. Many areas that were hit by SSS have unsafe water. Can't drink it, can't bathe in it. Not safe to boil, even if they had stoves to use. The Red Cross has been delivering clean drinking water to these areas. Scary.
     These are just a small glimpse of the outside world in the week following SSS. I knew some of this, but not most. People were just starting to come back together and exchange "war stories". That's exactly what it felt like, war. One coworker actually shipped her daughter to Nashville, to stay with relatives, while the house was still unlivable. She and her husband could be flexible and deal, but they would not expect it of their 9 year old. She needed stability and fun. And a warm bed. And hot meals. Her parents know this is temporary, and the best situation they can give their child right now. Responsible.
       I was both excited and nervous to return to school and be with my students on Monday. I was anxious to see that they were all OK, both mentally and physically. I wanted them to know that whatever they had endured, I would help them through. But, as I said, I was nervous. Would I cry in front of them? I would try not to. Would they all return? I was praying they would.
     As class started that first morning back, I was quite relieved to see most of those smiling faces sitting right where they belonged. I was concerned for the  ones that didn't return. My anxiety was soon quelled by the other students. They had stories of their own, but the most important ones to me were the ones telling me that my five absent students were A-Okay. The usual stomach bugs, runny noses and in one case, a long planned family vacation, kept them away. What a relief!!
      The war stories from the kids were heartbreaking...again. They told tales of lost cars, homes, personal belongings and businesses. But, the silver lining in that cloud was that families were still intact and they were all still going to be in our class through the end of the year. It felt so good, so NORMAL to be back with my students. I was there to listen. If they needed to cry, I held the tissues. We laughed, too. That's what children do. The day flew by. I was continuing to heal.
      As I met coworkers in the hallways and the office, the stories were more of the same. People had family that were effected by the storm. Everyone had lost something in the storm, even if it was just electricity. The most overriding fear was the lack of gas. People travel to work by car. How long could they continue to come in to work if there was no gas to buy?
      We still had no car. It wasn't the end of the world, but it presented difficulties. I was dreading walking my sons over a mile each morning, through the tree strewn streets, to school. As I have said before, the goodness of people just can not be measured. Two mommies from my older son's class volunteered to pick me and my children up in the mornings and drive us to school! Wow! Now, I would normally beg off. I wouldn't want to put them out. But, because my children would benefit, I happily accepted. Of course, because they both drive large SUVs, now my sons want that to replace our sedans that were destroyed. Tough luck, kids.
   Through all this, Pizza D'Amore continued to accept donations for food deliveries. They even stepped into the action. They began asking their customers to donate some as well. Many did. There would be more food for Rockaway! In all so far, we had made 6 hot food deliveries and have provided hundreds of meals. Nice.
     Just to make matters a bit worse, a snowstorm was heading our way. People were living in ruined homes, without heat. People were living without walls or roofs. The nights were pitch black. Looters and gas pirates were rearing their ugly, selfish heads. Snow was not a good idea! How much more could everyone take?

10 days after then storm, the electric company finally arrives on our block.

 

 

Some Rockaway kids enjoying the Pizza D'Amore fare on Sunday night.

Update: I saw a repost on Facebook tonight. One of the Gerritsen Beach, Brooklyn residents was requesting hot food for the families and volunteers in the area. They are still without heat, electricity and hot water. Thanks to your contributions, we will be sending them 10 pizzas and bottled drinks tomorrow evening. So glad to be able to help!! 

Next: Rebuilding

Call Pizza D'Amore to help feed displaced families and their wonderful volunteers! 718-531-2333